Our Adoption Road

I’ve enjoyed LeighAnna’s ballet performances in our very clean and finally unpacked family room. She asks to wear this dress everyday which she picked out herself at TJ Maxx (only $5).

For Mother’s Day, Steve prepared a lavish buffet for a house full of girls. He also got corsages for the moms and chocolate covered strawberries! My mom, my sister, my sister-in-law and all my nieces stayed with us last weekend to do wedding shopping for my niece’s upcoming wedding. My mom shared one of her pink orchids with LeighAnna. That poor orchid has been carried around ALL week.

This picture has been on my phone since we arrived in Colorado. I meant to post it but forgot. So here is LeighAnna’s audition for the Colorado visitor guide.

LeighAnna overheard us talking about foster care and wondered why little children had to be taken away from their parents. I explained to her that the children have to be removed when the parents are really mean and when they hurt their children. My mom followed this up with assuring her that the break gives the parents a chance to get better and parent again.

LeighAnna thought for a second and then said to us,

“So… the mommies and daddies need a time out.”

(If you are interested in adopting a child in foster care, we’ve recently learned about an organization called Project 1:27 that works with the state system to get Colorado’s foster children into loving homes.)

Those who know my voracity for reading online and blogging, might have noticed a severe decrease of activity on this blog lately. To say I am swamped is an understatement. Since Steve’s return and moving into our house, we’ve had a million decisions to make (okay that’s an exaggeration but the weight of each decision has made it feel much larger).

If you wouldn’t mind, could you please keep our family in prayer. We are needing to make some very big decisions in the coming weeks concerning our adoption plans. I’ll go into the adoption details later.

I can’t even tell you how many times in the past month I’ve wished we were back in that Hawaiian cottage with no phone or power. But God has not called us to live in a monastery. We live as a family, in a house within a community that is very much connected to the world (with the exception of TV which I’m happy to disconnect from). Currently, we need focus to navigate our urban jungle. We also need the opportunity to retreat now and then to make sure we are both navigating toward the same destination. A recent surge of activity for us has made those retreats non-existent. And on that note, I’m praying we can find a babysitter that I absolutely trust with our precious little girl.

For those following the news in China, please remember that most of the children buried in the school are the only children in their families. With the one-child policy in effect, the loss of a child is the loss of ALL children to Chinese parents. During a visit to China years ago, we all noticed that our Chinese guide expressed a strong affection for the children in our group. She later broke down and told us about the loss of her teenage son a few years prior. He had been killed riding his bike to school. Her husband blamed her for their son’s death and she lived with such guilt even though she was not responsible. In her case, whether by age or decree, she was not able to have more children.  I imagine there will be many more stories like this in the next few days. Just something to think about as you see parents grieving over bodies pulled from the rubble.

In addition to the situation in Myanmar, a 7.9-magnitude earthquake struck China on Monday afternoon killing thousands and burying students in a junior high. A series of earthquakes/after-shocks did further damage bringing the death toll to 9,000.

Read the full article here…

Update: Half the Sky Foundation has updates on the conditions of the orphanages located around the quake zone. They have also set up a fund to aid the children affected by the earthquake. “Your donations to the fund will be used to provide emergency and long-term relief to children affected by the disaster. Relief will include emergency shelter, food, and medical care for children orphaned or separated from their families. It will include temporary or long-term foster care or, when necessary, temporary institutional care.”

It’s funny that as we explain the Gospel to others, we notice new things. As I was reading to LeighAnna from the Jesus Storybook Bible, I noticed that God had turned his face from Jesus while on the cross. I suppose I’d never thought of this before. It seemed so cruel. If my child were dying, I would be there to support him, but God had to turn His face away. Why couldn’t God look on his own son during his greatest hour of emotional and physical suffering?

John Piper wrote a book called The Death of Christ: Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die. After my discussion with my daughter, I picked up this book again. You can read the whole book for free online at Desiring God.

In Chapter 2, John Piper addresses this paradox: (my emphasis added)

But what is most astonishing about this substitution of Christ for sinners is that it was God’s idea. Christ did not intrude on God’s plan to punish sinners. God planned for him to be there. One Old Testament prophet says, “It was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief” (Isaiah 53:10).

This explains the paradox of the New Testament. On the one hand, the suffering of Christ is an outpouring of God’s wrath because of sin. But on the other hand, Christ’s suffering is a beautiful act of submission and obedience to the will of the Father. So Christ cried from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you for-saken me?” (Matthew 27:46). And yet the Bible says that the suffering ofChrist was a fragrance to God. “Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:2).

Oh, that we might worship the terrible wonder of the love of God! It is not sentimental. It is not simple. For our sake God did the impossible: He poured out his wrath on his own Son—the one whose submission made him infinitely unworthy to receive it. Yet the Son’s very willingness to receive it was precious in God’s sight. The wrath-bearer was infinitely loved.

A song I’ve always loved is the hymn, How Deep the Father’s Love For Us. Now I better understand the stanza:

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many songs to glory

In 2005, I went to church on Mother’s Day wearing my daughter’s referral picture and a huge smile of expectation. But for me, this holiday hasn’t always been anticipated and I assume is still dreaded by many who also long to be mothers.

For many women, Mother’s Day is a reminder of loss. The loss of a child, the loss of the chance to have a child, the loss of a mother of your own. Before 2005, I had spent 11 years longing to be a mother. Instead of a flock of little ones behind me on Sunday morning, my nest was filled with sorrow, confusion and grief. I even went so far as to avoid going to church on Mother’s Day. I despised having to answer “no” when the little kids with flowers came running up and asked, “Are you a Mom?” The only thing I had to nurture was a crisis of faith over our lack of children.

I’ve never been able to articulate well the thoughts that flooded my head during those years. Today I found a candid interview with a Would-Be-Mother that sums things up quite well. Even if you are not suffering through infertility, this personal story will help you understand what a friend may be dealing with.

I can’t promise that every story will have a happy ending. In His perfect time, God led us to adopt our beautiful LeighAnna.  I don’t want to dismiss the grief we felt with the joy we have today. Both were necessary. For without the longing and loss, I could never appreciate so fully the gift of motherhood I’ve been given.

Last week we missed ballet class, but for a very good reason. With LeighAnna’s performance in a few days, this was an important class to attend, but spending time explaining the Gospel to my daughter was WAY MORE important!

All morning LeighAnna had been playing quietly in her room. About an hour before we needed to leave, she walked up to me and asked this most profound question, “Mommy, why did Jesus die on the cross?” I quickly closed the laptop (since nothing on there could be as important as the discussion I was about to have with my daughter). The Gospel message is something we read and discuss often with LeighAnna. However, today I could see that her openness to listen and understand was at an all time high. I did not want to miss the opportunity to plant The Word deeper in her big heart.

She then asked why Jesus was laying on the ground and added something about a big rock. I finally put together that she had been looking at the pictures in her favorite book, The Jesus Storybook Bible. So upstairs we went and began reading The Story. We started reading with Jesus praying in the Garden while his friends slept. We saw how Jesus was arrested but was never a criminal. LeighAnna looked on with empathy as Jesus carried the cross up the hill and called out to the Father who had turned His face from His own Son. We paused to discuss why Jesus stayed on the cross. Why he could’ve gotten down but chose not to. Why his pain was more than the “owies” on his body. His suffering was the weight of all the bad things (sin) anyone had ever done! (This blew her away!) Not to leave the story unfinished, we read about the big stone that was rolled away from the tomb and the shock and delight of the disciples when Jesus returned to them. And we talked about how Jesus rose into Heaven to be with his Father and how he will return again someday. In a fit of delight, I just kept reading about Pentecost and the Holy Spirit.

This was the Gospel truth my child needed and wanted to hear. She was open to listen! What an answer to prayer for every Christian parent to have these opportunities of helping our children understand the price that has already been paid for them!

Of course we missed ballet! I would’ve turned down lunch with the President to sit and explain the Gospel with my child!

LeighAnna’s prayer before dinner tonight summed up the Gospel pretty well:

“Dear God, thank you for the blue sky and the trees. And thank you that we live in Colorado. And you live in Heaven. And Jesus is your Son! And he died on the cross for our sins. And we still sin, but we don’t want to. So please help us. We love you God. Amen.”

Lately, I’ve been remembering all the reasons why I loved living in Japan. A fellow gaijin friend sent me this interesting series called Tokyo Stories. Particularly interesting to me was the one called Learning to Say ‘I Love You’.

Since most of my English students were young wives, I can attest that many were in loveless marriages. I’m glad the men are trying, although disappointed it’s financially motivated by the new pension law. My favorite time of the day was welcoming these women into my home, serving up my latest “American” baking creation and getting to know them at a deeper level… a level no tourist to Japan would have a chance to know.

After getting numerous emails about Oprah’s endorsement of Eckhart Tolle, I was pleased to see that Chuck Colson has addressed this topic.

For the record…I’ve been to a taping of Oprah. She is shorter than I expected. I didn’t get any freebies. It’s not all it’s made out to be. It feels like an A-list version of QVC. I’m so over Oprah.

I am so thankful for the handful of you who regularly read and comment on this blog. I know you have busy lives. I’m also guessing that mine is not the only blog you read.  A very simple method I’ve found for staying current with all the different blogs I read is with Google Reader.

I can go to one place and see a simplified list of all the blogs and their posts. If there is something new, it will be bold and easy to see. Everyone can do this! It costs nothing and it’s so simple to set up. If you have a Gmail account, you’re halfway there! Just go to Google Reader. Click on “Add Subscription” and enter the URL of the blog you want to read.

To read the full detailed (with pictures) instructions of how and why to use Google Reader, Abraham Piper has done an excellent job explaining this on his wife’s blog The Pipers. My goal in telling you this is to help you explore the blogging world which is rich with great writers and theologians… but to also allow you to quickly and efficiently organize these articles in one place.

John Piper is currently writing a book on marriage. He posted some thoughts on parenting on the Desiring God blog. There is only one way I could possibly accomplish the task below… by God’s grace and on my knees in prayer.

The most fundamental task of a mother and father is to show God to the children. Children know their parents before they know God. This is a huge responsibility and should cause every parent to be desperate for God-like transformation….

The chief task of parenting is to know God for who he is in his many attributes, and then to live in such a way with our children that we help them see and know this multi-faceted God. And, of course, that will involve directing them always to the infallible portrait of God in the Bible.

Is there anything more adorable than a string of teeny tiny ballerinas in tutus on stage?! Today, our little girl had her first ballet performance, Coppelia. I was very proud of her since she had only 3 classes before the performance! She did an excellent job and LOVED the stage. Almost too much! We had a little talk about our heart being as beautiful as our costume just before she went on. I don’t want a little prima dona on our hands. I have to admit that it was also a little disconcerting when I put on her “stage makeup” and watched my 3-year old instantly turn 25! I don’t even wear that much makeup!

PS: I counted 27 bobby pins when I took out her french braids tonight.

My lovely little girl. Oh how I love her!

LeighAnna loves to teach… anyone! Today I caught her playing Sunday School with her stuffed animals. Boz was seated in the center chair with his “class” of bunnies, birds and bears around him. On the other end of the blanket (representing the classroom) was LeighAnna holding a portrait of Jesus. I asked what she was teaching them today.

With great confidence she answered, “I’m teaching them how to be calm. And showing them about Jesus and that he died on the cross.”

I think I’ll join this class! Sounds like good stuff!

Somehow over the last year or so, I keep stumbling upon a specific blog by an adoptive family in NC. Today I took some time to really dig through the archives (rich with adoptive resources) and found a little gem that spoke right to my heart. The other night when LeighAnna asked about her birthmother, I felt a little sadness in not knowing the answer for her. It also brought back those feelings of sadness of having missed her first 11 months on earth. Then I read how Shawnda thought out these same feelings and I love her conclusion. Her eldest son Samuel, adopted at 23 months, had asked her about his tummy mommy. Here is an excerpt from her post. I highly recommend reading the whole thing here.

I was still struggling in my heart with jealousy, though. I know that we are his parents, and though we missed a season of his life, we get the now, and Lord willing, the future of his life!!! We would not change that!!!!! I still felt caught off guard. This was something I thought I’d respond differently to in my heart. I thought I was more prepared. Honestly I felt a little robbed of joy in this, which is quite odd because usually this is quite worshipful for me (that the Lord brought us together, and by HIS GRACE, our family has bonded so naturally!!!)

The Lord would have it that I called my precious (and wise) sister, Julie. She mentioned what a pastor at BBC had told them about speaking to your children about their adoption. They had said that your children pick up on the attitude of your heart about their adoption. So, if you feel you have missed out on something - then they will feel that. If you talk about what an amazing GIFT their adoption is, then they will respond that way! It’s about perspective and the perspective that they are taught about their adoption!!!

Obviously I want nothing short of our children knowing what an AMAZING GIFT they are!!!!! I want nothing short of them understanding that we would not change ANYthing about them!!!! They are who they are because of where they come from!!!!!

So, my heart was humbled. No longer did I feel the jealousy or selfish desires to want that experience with Samuel. But I was flooded with the JOY and TRUTH that we did not experience those birth moments and first 23 months of Samuel’s life because of our GOOD and KIND Lord. He chose Samuel and Keziah for our family. They would NOT be who they are if they were not knit together in Ms___________’s womb, born of her, and with her for a season of each of their lives. And we would not have the amazing privilege of knowing these precious children as who they are now had things been ANY different!!!!

I told Julie that Samuel’s little life…..having 23months with his birthfamily before we adopted him has some resemblance to my testimony of being adopted by Christ that causes me to worship. I look back, and for 20 yrs, I did not know the Lord. Then…..in an instant, I did. And everything changed. I was a new creation. I had a new identity. I was forever changed, yet I was the same. I missed out on 20yrs with the Lord, BUT those years shaped me, and made me who I am IN the Lord. And I don’t doubt those 23months for Samuel were also purposeful from the LORD - and He is using them for GOOD!!!! And now, his life will forever be different, he has a new name, and yet….he is the same!

However and whenever our children come home, there are no regrets about what was before because… “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 ESV Regret means to be disappointed in God’s plan for our lives. Instead we rejoice that our children are with us now and that their adoption stories make them the unique persons God has planned for them to be.